Got to write these frustrations

The first time I decided to create this blog, I said I wanted to update my life here. It will become my so called diary, which of course an open diary, because people will get to see and read my blogs. 

Now that's changed.

Maybe if I don't brag every time I have a new blog, it will just passed by without other people noticing it. Then maybe it could be my secret diary. The reason is, I just want this to be my little escape, my shoulder to lean on, it will be like a sponge that will just absorb whatever I'll put in it. People who know me really well, will tell that I'm a very reserved person. You can't tell just by looking at me if I'm okay or not, if I'm happy or not, if I'm angry or not. Let's just say that I'm good at pretending. I do that a lot, because I don't want to be the attention of everyone. I can't manage that. I can endure the stones life hits me. I'd like to be perceived as an independent woman, who can stand on her own, and who can be strong when life is tough. I want this to serve as the weakness of my weakness, after all we all have that. There are moments in life where it gives you a hard time and you will just say to yourself that you can't do it anymore, suko ka na, but you will not just say that because you don't want other people to think that you're a coward, weak, but the truth is you are. As some point in our lives, we became one. 

This past few months, I can say that I've had enough, but whenever I think of that, I have to admit that I can still endure a little more everyday. I'm tough but life gets tougher and tougher. If you'll look into my mind right now to see what's going on, you'll end up seeing a storm. Magulo. My job, my career, my ego, my love, my life suddenly falls into wrong places. I don't know which one I'll try to solve first. It's like everything needs to put first.

It's 3 o'clock on a rainy Sunday morning, I'm wide awake. I try to watch 'Lie to me' to keep my thoughts away from all these. What a gloomy weather, I felt gloomy. I don't know why. I don't know which particular reason why I feel this way. I wonder when this raining will end, but I like it. Somehow heaven is on the side of me. It can feel my frustrations within, and the still rain just proved that.