Looking Back and Ahead

I saw this post from instagram account of Kris Aquino (@aquinokristinabernadette) and wonder maybe I could come up with my own? Yes! I usually not into this new year's resolution thing every start of the year like most people do but I'm excited and curious on what could it be. So let's start!

LOOKING BACK AT 2014...

Favorite Experience:

This would be my El Nido trip with my officemate/friend Jeanette. Why? Because we had so little time prepping for this since this is only a side trip, thanks to our job as an auditor we are able to travel different parts of the country by free :)) We maximize our time on all the island has to offer and the experience was great and promised to myself I would come back to this beautiful island to experience again the wonders of our creator.

Biggest Accomplishment:

Maybe keeping my current job for more than a year would make on this list. Hahaha. And hoping to keep this until I CAN *crossedfingers :)) 

And learning to be sweet with my boyfriend is an accomplishment since I'm more of a 'mataray' type of girl. hehe

Favorite Place to Visit:

I would say Davao just because of Samal Island :) This island I think deserve a better tourism campaign because it's so beautiful that a few people actually know that it exist! With it's white sand, crystal clear water and cool and good people this I must say is worth travelling for.

And of course Bahay Bakasyunan at Tanay Rizal :)) Actually my first time to visit here is when we celebrated out 2nd Anniversary of my boyfriend Jeff on December 20, 2014. Yes just recently, we took our time off to relax and bond since we are so busy at work we never had this opportunity. I would love to go back to this place with him of course and enjoy the pool with the breathtaking view of the Laguna Lake.

The best meal is:

Sinigang ni Mama, my all time favorite and Tinumis ni Jeff, my second favorite, eversince I got to taste this wonderful dish it became my favorite already :))

If I have a free day, I like to:

Read all my books that were in the box for months! Because I'm so busy at work I never had a time to read all those books. Sad.

My favorite book:

For this year, read a lot of newly published books and this I had to say was my favorite... "The fault in our stars" and "Looking for Alaska" both written by John Green. Both made me cry and that was a first time. I would say the books were perfectly written, not the typical kind of story where boy-meets-girl-and-fall-in-love setting. The story has its own drama that will make you realize that life is beautiful we should never take it for granted.

My favorite movie:

This year, I had seen a lot of movies but none would make on this list. But I had my all time favorite movie "The Terminal". Yes! this movie was my favorite eversince the first time I've watched this back when I was in college. This movie was introduced to me by my friend Jonah, and since then I never stop telling how good this film was and even watched it several times after. :))

LOOKING AHEAD TO 2015...

I want to continue to:

to posts more blogs this year. Last year, I took a break and this year I want to continue this. Nagiging magaan ang pakiramdam ko pag nagsusulat (at least not literaly write). Somehow this gives me peace of mind.

I want to try:
I want to try baking cakes. Just recently, I tried baking cupcakes and I must say that I'm good for first timers hahaha. I know that baking will always be my first love and this year I want to start my plan in taking baking lessons.

I want to stop:
I want to stop being moody. I know this attitude of mine and a lot of people told me that I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm a different person when it attacks me. Hahaha

I'd like to visit these places:
Japan, particularly in Universal Studios where you can find "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter". I did not mention here that I'm a BIG BIG FAN of Harry Potter. The moment I knew that this has got in Japan, I always dreamed of being there and yes I'm very positive that I can go there this year :))

One of the places I'd like to visit also is Korea. I don't know why but maybe their rich culture got me and I want to experience that first hand.

My goals for this year:
New and permanent job :) I can't say maybe my current job will still be there and I hope if that happens then I already knew that is what I want. But for now, I don't know, there's no clear insight in what I really want in life. Ugh. This has to be the most difficult part in growing up - deciding for your own future and taking risks and all that....

To be able to travel to places I've never been to. As Dalai Lama said "Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before".  And yeah I want to do that as much as possible because I'm not getting any younger :))

Lastly, to save more than I did last year. 

Waiting for tomorrow

Today marks as one of the saddest moment of my life. My eyes are starting to hurt but i just can't stop from crying. I wish one year of waiting and longing for him is as quick as waiting for tomorrow.

I decided not to give it a title

Before I decided to write today, gosh I can't remember the last time I write here (of course not literally to write) I thought I'll be sharing happy thoughts but I'm wrong.

But before that, I just want to share that I think I'm getting older than I think I am because I always forget things. Just when I'm about to opened this blog, I realized I already forgot my user ID and password, and actually tried several times until I get the right access on my own blog. When I browsed my previous posts, I'm so stupid to forgot (again!) that I actually write 10 months ago for my boyfriend (a gift for our six monthsary, he always wanted to be a part of my secret little haven here), haha I thought my last post here was some time in 2012.

And so why I decided to write again? Ahhhmmm... I dont' know either. I just felt I have to write.

These past few months, I felt like I'm in a roller coaster ride. There are so much things happening in my life and I just can't keep going on the fast pace of life. I don't know if i can keep it this way for a long period of time, and I think I can't because until now I can't get over it. Sometimes, I think I'm forgetting something or someone because I have to live the now and not thinking the yesterday. Yeah, I'm being nostalgic again.

Waaaaaaaah!!!

I don't know if there's a problem or what. I don't know, really. I can't think of a better word to say it but I'm tired, really tired. And I need some time ALONE.

A story to tell. . .

After so many years of waiting, I can finally tell a story...

Just last year, when it seems like every part of me is crashing down, I pray to him. I ask for him to have pity on me and hear all my prayers. My career, my life, my love is falling apart, one by one, and it seems I can never rise up again,, but I'm wrong. Truly, God will answer all your prayers. In an unexpected way. All we have to do is to hope and wait. You just have to wait. And that will be worth your wait.

And the reason why I'm writing this is not for people to know what happened to me after that, but I want that one person to know and realize what he did to me after that. The reason for writing this up is for the man I never expected to come into my life and change everything in me.

You are the reason why I decided to leave everything behind and start a new life again. You are the reason why I wanted to forget all the sorrows, fears and sadness that I am in at that time. You gave me reason to hope again. To believe in myself again. You though me how to trust other people. You make me feel how to be special in someone's heart and mind. You thought me how to love and be loved.

At the time you met me, you already accept me for who I am and who I'm not. Thank you for not judging on me, for understanding where I'm coming from. Thank you for being a friend and for listening to all my stories. Thank you for waiting. Thank you because you never lose hope on me.

  

You always say that I deserved the love I'm feeling right now, that I deserved every good thing that happens to me, but the truth is, you are the one who deserves every thing but the best. You deserved all the love in the world because you are a good person. You're genuine. You're a good friend, brother and a son. You are the best boyfriend everyone could have. But I'm the most blessed and luckiest girl because that everyone is me.

As one saying goes, we accept the love we think we deserve. Accept all the love a person could give to you because you deserve them. You deserve it all.

As Isaac says (John Green's book)

"...everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does"

.. well I think I already found my true love. And certainly it will last at least as long as my life does :) :)

Happy 8th Monthsary Babe!!!

I will love you as long as my life does. . . . .

Random. Thoughts.

I remember typing this one out in my cellphone before I go to bed, which I don't remember when, but upon reading it again, it still brings me to that thought:

what if?

A year ago I said to myself: 'this is not where I belong'
A year after that I say: 'No, you should've stayed, you should've challenge yourself.

But instead, you walk away thinking that that's the easy way out. That that will be the answer to all your problems.

Look at where you are now, yes you accept a more challenging career, you are more mature now, you gain knowledge, you are more confident now. Somehow you can stand on your own. You can defend yourself from others' judgments. You're now look smarter, braver. You're now more optimistic about love and life.

But the question is, Are you happy?

And a very quick answer of 'No, I'm not'

Bottomline?

Never compensate happiness for money, career, fame or anything, 'coz in the end these will not be enough, even after having all that you once thought you aimed for.

A good chill

Its raining again. I love rain. I'm curious on how it create sounds, and how it sounds so comforting whenever I hear it. I love the coldness and at the same time, the warmth it gives. I'm happy seeing the skies unclear. I know its kinda weird for me to even think about this. I just felt like I owe it to the rain that whenever I'm in a good mood and everything seems perfectly right at the moment, it rains. And it gives me another reason to be happier. It gives me chill. A good chill. 

Got to write these frustrations

The first time I decided to create this blog, I said I wanted to update my life here. It will become my so called diary, which of course an open diary, because people will get to see and read my blogs. 

Now that's changed.

Maybe if I don't brag every time I have a new blog, it will just passed by without other people noticing it. Then maybe it could be my secret diary. The reason is, I just want this to be my little escape, my shoulder to lean on, it will be like a sponge that will just absorb whatever I'll put in it. People who know me really well, will tell that I'm a very reserved person. You can't tell just by looking at me if I'm okay or not, if I'm happy or not, if I'm angry or not. Let's just say that I'm good at pretending. I do that a lot, because I don't want to be the attention of everyone. I can't manage that. I can endure the stones life hits me. I'd like to be perceived as an independent woman, who can stand on her own, and who can be strong when life is tough. I want this to serve as the weakness of my weakness, after all we all have that. There are moments in life where it gives you a hard time and you will just say to yourself that you can't do it anymore, suko ka na, but you will not just say that because you don't want other people to think that you're a coward, weak, but the truth is you are. As some point in our lives, we became one. 

This past few months, I can say that I've had enough, but whenever I think of that, I have to admit that I can still endure a little more everyday. I'm tough but life gets tougher and tougher. If you'll look into my mind right now to see what's going on, you'll end up seeing a storm. Magulo. My job, my career, my ego, my love, my life suddenly falls into wrong places. I don't know which one I'll try to solve first. It's like everything needs to put first.

It's 3 o'clock on a rainy Sunday morning, I'm wide awake. I try to watch 'Lie to me' to keep my thoughts away from all these. What a gloomy weather, I felt gloomy. I don't know why. I don't know which particular reason why I feel this way. I wonder when this raining will end, but I like it. Somehow heaven is on the side of me. It can feel my frustrations within, and the still rain just proved that.